Thoughts and Misconceptions

I am so lost. There are so many thoughts and misconceptions in my head and I need them all to leave. For so long, I have let an evil force control my outlook on life. I have let Satan have too much of a strong hold in my life and as a follower of Christ I have had enough. Christ alone should be enough and is enough for me. Why should I believe Satan’s lies? All the struggles I have been through in my past are in the past and forgiveness has been given where needed. I need to accept that and quit letting Satan use it against me time and time again. One lesson I should take from those past struggles is this, Christ never left me alone. He always helped me through and he will always help me through. I need to quit fighting a battle that I am not meant to fight alone. One of my favorite songs, The Warrior is a Child by Twila Paris, is a favorite because it reminds me that even though I am grown up, I am still God’s child and we will always need help. His help. The song says it all in the chorus. They don’t know, that I go running home when I fall down, they don’t know, who picks me up when no one is around. I drop my sword and cry for just a while, cause deep inside this armor, the warrior is a child.
Another lie I have believed for a long time is that I am not “successful” because I am not married with a family. I have let the fact that many of my friends have graduated college, gotten married, and started a family upset me. That is their life. That is were God has placed them now. He has me exactly where He wants me right now. Even though I don’t understand it, because anyone who knows me well, knows that I desire to be married and have a family. God knows that this is a desire of my heart and hopefully somewhere out there in the future He will give me this desire. But for right now, I am a young, single, professional working in my desired career field. I have been truly blessed with a great job, a great church, a great group of friends, a great family and so much more. Why then should I even want more? Why can’t I just be happy with what I have at this moment? If God has provided for me in the past and up until now, why should I think He would stop? The truth is He has taken great care of me and I act like the spoiled child I am and still want more. Now saying all this, and knowing my desire to be married and have a family, something I don’t understand is my fear. In the past, any time I have gotten close, I completely panic and sabotage either the relationship or possible relationship before I really ever give it a chance. Fear is not something God puts in our life. That is an attack from Satan. I have recently started to understand that I am where I am in life because I have given into the fear and believed the lies that Satan put in my head. I need to take back control and stop living in fear and in the shadow of lies and my past failures. I wonder why I ever started being so scared of something I want so much. What could have happened in my past that still negatively affects me to this day? How do I move beyond this fear?
I know that I have the ability to get beyond all this. It will take time and a lot of prayer. But if want to draw closer to God, then okay, that's what I will do. All this came about when I started reflecting on my life on my birthday earlier this week. If I want things to change for the positive then I need to start thinking postively, quit living in the past, and stop worrying about what others have. I need to be happy with what I have now and with what God is doing in my life.